Phase 2 is to problem solve on ways both sets of needs can be met to achieve a win-win. Did you miss part one of the article on identifying the needs? Click here.
How to agree
If you agree with the other person, confirm it by saying what you liked and why you like it or you may appear patronising.
Agree before you disagree
How to disagree
If you just counter with a different viewpoint without first validating what the other person has said, you may lose rapport and create a you versus me situation. Although some people like the directness and don’t have an issue with counter arguing, you are more likely to maintain rapport if you:
- validate the idea
- express you reservations
- seek alternatives and problem solve
Here are some examples:
What I like about your idea is that the report will be shorter (validate)
What concerns me is that the key sales figures will not be emphasised (reservations)
What can we do so the key sales information is there without making the report longer? (problem solve)
‘Yes buts’ often indicate argument mode. Arguing is more likely to polarize than to persuade … people digging their heels in and defending their own positions. People are getting locked into their own view and are less open to persuasion. If you ‘win’ the argument, you are likely to have lost the mind and heart and there is no sense of collaboration or understanding. Arguing is win-lose, problem solving is win-win.
Arguing is a poor persuasion technique.
Arguing is a poor persuasion technique as you will be arguing from your own logic and value system. People move for what is important to them, not what is important to you. Make the links to the other person’s values, if you want to influence and persuade.
Respond rather than react
Here are some examples of responding positively to concerns and objections. These open questions allow you to reframe the resistance and keep rapport.
It will never work: What do you dislike about it?
My way is better: What makes that seem the best option?
It’s impossible: What would it take to make it possible?
I can’t: What difference would it make if you could?
You can’t do that: What would happen if we did?